Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
