That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
