"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
