So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
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Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
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Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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