i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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