He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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