you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
