Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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