Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
