Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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