hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
