I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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