i barfeds in our rink
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
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my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
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Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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