I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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