haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
