whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
