I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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