Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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