Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
