I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
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100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
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I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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