just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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