Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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