Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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