I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
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Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
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I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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