currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Couch. On fire.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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