I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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