in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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