You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
