I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
