some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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