You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
