i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
