did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
