i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
