Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
