I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
