Buhtt sex?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
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