Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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