"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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