meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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