The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Your penis caused this!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
