her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
