You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
