have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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