Apparently you make a good broom.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
