I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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