i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
