Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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