i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
