Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
