She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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