no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
