Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
