And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I wish I only lived at night.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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