I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
