My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
