My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
