Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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