The maid of honor just puked.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
