I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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