Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
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Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
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I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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