Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
