she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
