YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
