Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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