I puked a lego.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize